Dinner with the boys

Having dinner with the boys, the gay men in my life, is always a very interesting event. This past week we all got together for a birthday to have mexican and margs. There was at least 25 of us and the conversians that went on could write a book. Everyone with the exception of myself and the other two ladies at the table were all on grinder, and if the cell phone wasnt enough the ipad was actually brought out during dinner for better viewing of des moines finest gay profiles. The night was full of conversation surrounding the following topics but not limited to...... hookups, work, double penitration, drag queens, drunk driving, whips, music, drugs, grinder, parties, photoshoots, models, the bar, and the crazy stalkers from the bar. I love my friends more then anything, this group was just a portion of everyone that i call my family.

review: out of control, the nightmare

So much of nothing is going on in my world right now. I chuckle because that is all I can do, laugh as i try and understand that there is nothing to understand. The truth of my current situation is that Im waiting on answers.

The Nightmare:   The magical life I used to have was slowly slipping away, I was constantly playing tug a war with an army of men and anyone that knows me can say that Im not a strong person in all aspects at all.....That is on my top of a long list of personal traits I hate. This whole time I hated pulling on the end of the rope, my body aching and never able to get an inch closer to the happiness, love and safety on the other end. I was always fighting with myself and about to give up, constantly thinking of how I have taken for granted the little things that made me feel alive and lucky. Now I im on my back, in the mud and down for the count on this round.

This may not have been a dream but a reflection with a window into the future of destruction.